


World Enough and Time

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Reaper76 [7]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Character Death, Death, Denial, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Love, M/M, Marriage, Promises, Survivor Guilt, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 05:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16612511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: 'We didn't have enough time." It had been the story of their relationship and with Jack slipping away from him Gabriel has a choice to make, not realising that the decision he makes will tear him apart.





	1. Chapter 1

    Gabriel wants to pace, anxiety flooding him and making it hard to focus on keeping himself together as he watches Angela and the nurses carefully settling Jack into their bedroom. Only the fact that Angela had booted him out of the hospital room last time he had started to pace stopped him. Instead, his eyes were constantly on the move, darting between his partner’s pale features and the pained grimace that he couldn’t quite hide as they hooked him up to the machines now cluttering both sides of the bed, and the equipment itself. It’s a stark reminder that he’s losing Jack, that each hour, each minute, each second is bringing them closer to the moment when his husband is going to slip away from him and for a moment his form wavers at the thought of that approaching loss. He’s not ready. He’ll never be ready, and for a moment he’s tempted to slip away and try to regain his composure when he’s halted by a hoarse whisper from the bed.

“Gabe…?”

“I’m here,” he’s quick to reassure his partner, catching the undercurrent of alarm in Jack’s voice, lifting his head to meet the unfocused eyes that are now turned in his direction. His voice is apparently enough to reassure the other man, tension leaking out of him, a small smile tugging at his lips before he turns his attention back to Angela who is pestering him with questions and Gabriel feels himself breathe again. He can’t leave, he won’t leave, but… _He shouldn’t be here._ It had been nearly a month since Jack had wound up in hospital, but as happy as he is to see Jack back in their apartment, he knows that he should still be in the hospital. It’s an argument that had been ongoing for nearly a week though, and he’s not sure he has the strength to continue it, not when Jack is relaxing back into the pillows and giving Angela proper answers for once. _But…_

     He’s so lost in his own thoughts, debating the merits of trying to convince Jack to go back to the hospital versus the benefits of just letting him have his way, that he jumps when Angela appears in front of him. His form nearly disintegrates, and he curses, unsure of who he’s more annoyed at, and it takes him a couple of minutes to ground himself, nanites working overtime to solidify his form again and he studiously ignores the concern in Angela’s eyes as she waits for him to settle. He’s barely aware of the nurses slipping away, still nervous around him despite Angela’s reassurances, instead focusing on pulling himself together because he can tell that she wants to talk. It’s only when he’s been solid again for a few minutes that she gently ushers him out of the room, although she doesn’t object when he stops just outside the door, letting him keep an eye on Jack while they speak.

“He’s all settled for now,” Angela tells him briskly, all business at the moment. “Someone will be back to check on him this afternoon, but if anything happens, I want you to call me. If not, I’ll be back to check on him in the morning.” Gabriel blinks at that but doesn’t complain. While she’s not no longer the head doctor for Overwatch, she’s still heavily involved in the medical side of things, and she’s constantly in demand, and he knows that coming out to them will only be another drain on her time. Something of his thoughts must’ve shown in his expression, because her own softened, shifting from doctor to friend in the blink of an eye as she reached out to gently grasp his arm. “Gabe?”

 “He shouldn’t be here should he?”

“As a doctor, I don’t agree with it,” Angela admitted reluctantly after a moment, but her expression shifted into something softer, something mournful as she glanced back into the room where Jack had already dozed off, noting that he looked more relaxed than he had for a very long time. “But as a friend - Jack needs this Gabriel, he doesn’t have much time left and I would rather that he was happy for that time.” There is pain in her expression as she turns back to him and it’s the only thing that stops Gabriel from growling at her. He knows that time is running it out, it doesn’t make it any easier to hear it said aloud.

“Angela,” he hesitates, wisps of smoke escaping as his form threatens to unravel under the force of his agitation, and he forces himself to focus on her hand which is still resting on his arm. It’s a physical anchor, and focusing on her warmth lets him corral himself, mind and body and finally force the words out.  “How long does he have?” It was a question that he hadn’t dared let himself ask until this point, not wanting to hear the answer, the thought of having a set number of days terrifying him, but now there was no point in hiding from it.

   It’s clear from her expression that she’s just as reluctant to put a number on it, but he can see her mind turning, eyes darkening and he almost tells her to forget it. If the answer can put that kind of expression on her face, he doesn’t want to know, but the words won’t come, can’t come. Through all of this Jack has faced it head on, always the first to accept the reality of the situation, the gravity of it and never once letting it daunt him…Gabriel can’t allow himself to do any less, and so he waits in silence, gaze shifting restlessly between his sleeping husband and Angela, tensing when she finally sighs.

“To be honest I thought that we would’ve already lost him by now, but Jack is stubborn.” For some reason that startles a laugh out of him, a rough bark that is immediately lost, but he can’t stop his expression from softening. _Jack is stubborn._ That was like saying that the world was round or that grass was green, his lips quirking up as he glanced across at Jack. It was that stubbornness once upon a time that had contributed to their division, and it was that same stubbornness that had brought two angry, old men, back together for a second chance. “He’s going to hold on for as long as he can, but Gabriel…” He tenses at the hesitation, focusing on her once more and catching the shimmer of tears in her eyes before she can blink them away. “It won’t be long - stubbornness can only help him for so long, and he’s been fighting this for a long time.”

“How long?”

“A month, maybe a little more, but that’s at best.” He had known that it was coming, that there was no way it was going to be good news. There was no way that putting a time limit on Jack’s existence could ever be good, but that didn’t stop her words striking him like a punch to the gut, his breath catching as he stared at her, form flickering as the ring on his finger suddenly seemed to burn. _It’s not enough time. It’s not fair. I can’t lose him. We didn’t get enough time…_

“Gabe! GABRIEL REYES!” It’s only when Angela’s voice breaks through his swirling thoughts that he realises it’s not the only thing that’s swirling, his entire lower body has shifted, nanites unable to cope with his current emotional state. He blinks, the world alternating between colour and black and white, and he tries not to focus on the flickering image of Jack’s soul when he glances towards the bed- tries and fails because it’s as alluring as ever, but its brightness. The brightness that had drawn Reaper in and brought Gabriel back to the surface is fading, and part of him longs to go to it, to grab hold of it before it can disappear on him, but he knows that if he touches it, then Jack will be gone too. “Gabriel, you need to calm down, please don’t do this.” Angela is still talking to him, still trying to get him to calm down enough that he can solidify once more, but her voice isn’t enough to ground him, not now with time trickling away beneath his fingertips.

“Gabe…”

   The quiet whisper cuts through everything in a way that Angela never could, and Gabriel feels his body shudder in response, just as it had all those years ago when Jack had finally realised who lay beneath the Reaper mask. Slowly, almost afraid of what he might find he turns to find Jack weakly trying to push himself up, weariness written across his face, unseeing eyes fixed unerringly on him, seeing him in a way that no one else can. Unable to resist that gaze he takes a deep breath, the worry that he can see creasing his husband’s face making him hurt in a different way than before and there’s a hint of desperation now as he struggles to get himself together. “Gabe? Are you all right?”

“Damn it Mi Luna, worry about yourself for once.” The words slip out before he could stop them, but rather than taking offence Jack smiles, just a weak quirk of his lips but it’s enough to give Gabriel the final push he needs, and he feels his feet solidify beneath him. The world flickers for a moment more, but then it settles back to normal, and he sighs with relief before turning apologetic eyes towards Angela who is still staring at him with concern, no doubt waiting to see if he’s going off the deep end again. “I’m sorry. I…”

“It’s fine,” she cuts him off, concern fading to something softer as she moves back and briefly touches his arm again. “I’ll leave you two alone for now, but Gabe...”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not alone. We all want to help you, both now and…” _After,_ the word hangs awkwardly in the air between them and Gabriel struggles to keep his expression even as he nods to show that he understands, both knowing that he won’t reach out. With a last glance, back at Jack who is staring towards the sound of their voices, she manages a small smile. “I’ll see you later Jack.”

“Thank you, Angela.”

**

    Gabriel sighs with relief when the door closes behind Angela. As much as he appreciates her help with this, it’s hard to act normal around her, and he knows that a small part of her is constantly watching him, waiting for the nanites to fail or for him to slip back to being Reaper. He doesn’t blame her. After all, at the height of their conflict, he had nearly killed her more than once, and Jack - his vision blurs for a moment, the memory of sharp claws closing on pale skin, blood spilling beneath his touch slamming into him. Gasping he leans on the doorframe for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut as he forces the memory back, reminding himself that Jack is alive and here with him. _For now,_ a cool voice reminds him, and he shudders because it’s a voice that he’s become intimately familiar with over the last few weeks and its only getting stronger as time passes.

   For now, though Jack is waiting for him, and he opens his eyes and turns his attention to his husband, hating the knowing expression on the pale features and wondering how this man can understand him so well. He doesn’t voice that thought, instead taking a deep breath and checking that he is fully corporeal he moves quietly across to the bed, Jack following the sound of his approach and patting the bed beside him in invitation. An invitation that he cautiously accepts settling down so that he’s pressed against Jack’s leg but avoiding the wires, hesitantly reaching out to grasp one of Jack’s hands and twining their fingers together, trying not to focus on how weak Jack’s grip is now.

“Jack.” He hesitates for a moment, lifting their linked hands and studying their wedding rings for a moment before leaning in to kiss Jack’s simple band, earning a small chuckle from his husband. It was a silly little gesture that Jack had started on their first anniversary, a simple promise to not let go, to not forget how much had gone into those two rings. It’s the soft chuckle, and the fact that Jack is relaxing that gives him the courage to broach the subject at the forefront of his mind. “Are you sure about this? I know you don’t like the hospital, but maybe they could buy you more time.” It’s a futile wish he knows that, if that had been possible then nothing Jack had said would have swayed Angela, but he has to cling to something, and that’s all he has now.

“After everything that’s happened I’m not going to spend my last days in a hospital room,” Jack’s voice is as hoarse as ever, but there’s a weakness to it now, a weariness that terrifies Gabriel every time he hears it and part of him wants to pull away. He’s not ready for this, he doesn’t want to sit here and watch the man he loves, the man he had already lost too many times, slip away from him again. He’s not sure whether Jack realises this or whether his own thoughts are following a similar path because his fingers tighten as best they can, and this time he is the one to draw their hands closer, pressing chapped lips to the back of Gabe’s hand as he adds softly.  “I want to be at home, with you.”

“But…”   

“Gabe, I know my own body.” Jack’s calm slips for a moment, offering a rare glimpse of the fear beneath the surface and Gabriel aches at the sight. In all the years, they’ve spent together he’s never seen such raw fear in his partner, and he hates that he has no way of easing, no words of comfort to whisper in his ear as he had done back during their early missions. All he can do is tighten his hold on Jack’s hand, his other reaching up to cup a pale cheek, fingers gentle as he finds dampness, silently wiping away the sole tear that had managed to escape.  “I’m slipping, I can feel it. I could feel it in the hospital, and it was worse there. At least here I can be myself until the end rather than just another patient.”

“You’d never be just another patient, Angela would never allow it.”

“You know what I mean,” Jack doesn’t smile at his weak stab at humour, and Gabriel sighs because he knows that he can’t really argue. Neither of them had ever been ideal patients, always fleeing the infirmary at the first chance they got and going out of their way to try and deal with SEP induced issues and minor injuries under their own steam. The thought of fading away in a hospital room sends a chill through him, and he knows that he can’t really ask his husband to do something that he wouldn’t do, and yet at the same time, he wants to. He wants to do everything and anything that might buy them even a little more time, but there is a pleading expression on Jack’s face that he can’t deny, and he sighs, resigned as he squeezes trembling fingers.

“What do you want me to do Jack?”

“Stay with me until the end,” Jack whispers, breath hitching as though he’s swallowing back a sob, another tear escaping down his cheeks, followed by another and another. “Stay with me and let me be myself until the very end.” Gabriel wants to cry, eyes stinging in a way they haven’t in years and right now he can’t trust his voice. Instead, he carefully eases closer so that he can wrap his arms around Jack, drawing him into a gentle hug and letting the other man hide his face against him. He can feel the tremors wracking Jack’s body, the dampness now soaking into his t-shirt and he closes his eyes as he rests his head-on top of the snowy hair.

“Always, Mi Luna.”   

_Always…_

****

    The next week and a half passes in a blur of visits. The nurses come in twice a day, and Angela is always there at least once a day, growing quieter and quieter with each visit and Gabriel can feel the time slipping through his fingers. It’s the reason why he allows the almost constant stream of visitors, members of the old guard and those who fought alongside ‘Soldier 76’ stopping by to see Jack, because as much as he wants to be selfish and keep his husband to himself, he knows that Jack needs the chance to say farewell this time. It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with though, a numbness settling over him when he watches Ana guiding a sobbing Reinhardt out after a particularly emotional visit. And as he holds his husband once they’ve left, letting Jack hide his own sobs against his shoulder all he can think is, _it’s not fair, we didn’t get enough time…_

     As the days go by it’s clear that Jack is fading faster now. Almost as though a small part of him has abandoned the fight now that he’s at home with Gabriel, or maybe Gabriel is just noticing it more now that they have time to themselves, curled together as best as they can with everything Jack is hooked up to. Either way, it’s clear that time is running out. Each morning he finds himself waking in a panic, half expecting to find that Jack has slipped away while he was asleep, and he starts to stay awake longer and longer each night. Weariness and stress leaving him feeling as though he could shatter at any moment and he finds himself shifting more and more, the wraith rising to the surface, and he can tell Jack is worried about him. It’s there in the way Jack clings to his hand when he’s awake, the kisses that he presses to the ring each day now and the way he wakes, breath caught on Gabriel’s name, terror written across his face and it’s another thing that Gabriel doesn’t know how to fix.

**

    It’s late one evening when he hears Jack stirring on the bed. Angela had been and gone, grim-faced and lacking in her usual words of comfort and he knew that she had said something to Jack because his husband had been quiet ever since, either dozing or lying in silence. He knew that was a bad sign, as Jack had been more talkative the last few days than he had in a while, almost as though he was trying to make sure that he said everything that needed to be said before he ran out of time. That was why he wasn’t surprised when Jack finally called out to him after managing to push himself into a semi-upright position against the pillows, forehead creased with a deep frown.

“Gabe?”

“I’m here.” He’s never far away these days, and he rarely does anything now apart from sitting there and watching over his husband, fixated on the slow rise and fall of Jack’s chest. Now that he’s revealed his presence he abandons his chair, moving across to take his usual spot on the side of the bed, willing grasping Jack’s fingers when he reaches for him and trying not to notice that there’s barely any grip left in them now. “Are you okay?” He hates that question with a burning passion because there’s nothing okay about the current situation, but the softening of Jack’s expression tells him that his husband doesn’t mind, nodding in response before visibly hesitating for a moment, his voice little more than a whisper when he continues.

“I have a favour to ask.”

“Anything,” Gabriel’s response is instantaneous. At this stage, he’s unable to deny Jack anything, wanting to do anything in his power to ease the situation and in his own way trying to make amends for all the time that had been wasted. Jack seems almost taken aback by the swift agreement, a frown creasing his forehead and he glances down, staring sightlessly at their linked hands.

“You’re not going to like it.”

“Jack?” There’s something about that admission that sets his teeth on edge, stomach-churning when Jack continues to keep his head bowed, tension practically radiating from him. “What is it?”  The question comes out sharper than he intended, and he opens his mouth to apologise, but apparently, that tone was what Jack needed to continue, although his voice is so hesitant that if he weren’t watching him, then Gabriel would never have believed that it could have come from his partner.

“When it’s time, I want you to reap my soul…”

“No!” Gabriel is on his feet before he’s even realised that he’s moved, body beginning to disintegrate around the edges, panic and disgust warring from control as he begins to paste, ignoring the way Jack is reaching out for him, but unable to ignore his voice.

“I told you that you weren’t going to like it,” Jack points out, and Gabriel wants to growl at him. _Not going to like it?_ He remembers thinking about how Jack’s soul had looked when he had lost control the week before, the fleeting desire to consume it so that it wouldn’t be lost…but that had been the Reaper speaking, not Gabriel and the mere thought of it now leaves him nauseous. It reminds him too much of the years of hating Jack, of wanting to kill him with his own two hands and his hands curl into fists at that thought, his form shimmering in and out of focus and he nearly misses the quiet plea that follows. “But please at least hear me out.”

“Fine.” He blinks at his own words having intended to refuse because there is nothing…no argument, no plea that will change his mind. However, his agreement has Jack sighing in relief, and silently cursing himself for giving him even a fleeting hope he adds harshly. “I’m listening.” He can at least give him that much, but there is no way he can give into a request like that.

“I’m dying.” It’s the first time either of them has said it so baldly, always hiding the truth beneath half-truths and roundabout words and it seems that Jack has stunned himself with his own words, because he falters, both remaining silent for a long moment as the reality of the situation sinks in. It’s enough to calm the fire in Gabriel’s chest as he feels himself becoming solid once more although he makes no move to retake his previous seat, instead waiting and watching as his husband visibly gathered the courage to continue.  “There’s nothing that can be done to stop that, but…we didn’t have enough time and the thought of you being alone…”

“Jack.” _Even now…_ he had thought that he had become immune to his partner’s insistence on worrying about everyone but himself, on worrying about Gabriel even when he was the one falling apart at the seams, but those quiet words hit him hard, and he finds himself stepping forward. _Jack._

“L-let me finish,” Jack is wavering now, strength waning and emotions rising, his hands clenching in the covers as he forces out the next words. “If you reap my soul, I’ll still be with you or at least a part of me will.” 

   Gabriel hates it. He hates the fact that Jack’s words have always had a way of cutting through every argument, every barrier that he had ever tried to put between them. He hates the way his heart jumps a little bit at the thought of being able to hold a little bit of Jack inside him, to have something more than memories or the ring on his finger, and he finds himself opening his mouth before abruptly pausing. He has never used that ability on someone he likes, let alone someone loves…he has no idea if that would change what happens, but he knows the process as it is, is painful and the thought of Jack enduring that on top of everything else makes him choke.

“Jack…it will hurt you.” _I can’t hurt you, not again._  

“I don’t care!” Jack’s voice had regained some of its strength now, picking up on the slight hesitation in his voice although it softened as he continued. “Gabe, I hurt now. Every moment is painful now.” Gabriel snarls at that, remembering all the times that Jack had assured them that it wasn’t too bad, even though he had seen the grimaces and the lines around his eyes that spoke of the pain he was in, moving closer as though just by reaching out to him he could ease the pain. However, he halts at the sight of the small smile on Jack’s lips, his husband tracking his movement. “A bit more pain won’t change that, and I would rather endure it and have a chance of staying with you.” His hand was in the air again, reaching for Gabriel and there was a pleading expression on his face that Gabriel wanted to hide from. Instead, he found himself moving closer, reaching out and letting Jack twine their fingers together and pull him closer.

“Jack…”

“Please.” Jack tugs at his hand, and Gabriel surrenders, settling back on the side of the bed. “I’m scared Gabriel, so sacred, and I know this won’t change anything, that I’ll still be…that I’ll be d-dead.” He’s trembling now, but it’s clear that he’s determined not to falter at this stage, taking a deep, gulping breath before squeezing Gabriel’s hand and reaching out with his other, brushing his fingers over Gabriel’s heart. “But knowing that I’m with you in some way, it makes it a little easier to bear.”

    Gabriel still wants to say no, but there’s not the slightest hint of uncertainty in Jack’s expression as he waits for his response, just hope and desperation, and he sighs. He had promised himself that he would do anything to make things easier for Jack, he had just never foreseen a request like this, although he knew that he should have, because this was Jack…his husband had always made it his mission in life to surprise him, why would it be any different now that he was facing death? _Death._ He swallowed thickly. There was no denying it now. The words had been spoken aloud, and a chill settled over him as he felt the weight of inevitability pressing on his shoulders.

“Can I think about it?” It came out choked, broken, the thought of doing something that he had relished doing to his enemies against the man he loved leaving him feeling sick to his stomach. Jack tensed at his reply, nodding slightly, although it was clear from his expression that he thought it was a refusal and something made Gabriel reach out, cupping Jack’s face with his free hand. “It’s not a refusal, but I-I just need some time to think.”

“Okay,” Jack whispered finally, nuzzling into the hand cradling his face. “That’s all I can ask.” Gabriel could hear the silent ‘ _don’t take too long though’,_ and he sighed, gathering his husband close and kissing him tenderly on the lips, moving up to press gentle kisses along the scar that led up his face, before pressing a final one to Jack’s forehead.

_I love you…_

_But can I do this...?_

_And can I live with myself if I don’t...?_

**

    The questions had been there ever since. Hovering on the periphery of every thought, every conversation and he could feel the anticipation in the air whenever he was around Jack, his husband waiting for him to give him an answer. He didn’t have one. Part of him was ready to do it, because it was what Jack wanted and because the selfish part of him wanted to grab hold of his husband with both hands and doing everything that it took to keep a part of him alive. The other part of him, the part that feared the monster that lived beneath the surface wanted to say no, wanted to spare Jack this one last pain, to spare them both the pain of something that would never work. In all the time since he’d had that power, he had never felt anything from the souls beyond the first, brief rush of memory when he consumed them and the thought of doing that to Jack, only for his husband to still be lost to the nether made him reluctant to agree.

His time runs out two days later.

   It had been a bad day from the moment he had woken to find Jack twisting and turning in the grip of pain that would no longer be subdued, the hours passing in a blur of whispered conversations with Angela who had come running when he had called for help. And Jack crying out and pleading with him to make it stop, gripping his hand as though it was the only thing that was keeping him grounded. And in the background was the inescapable feeling of time slipping through his fingers, only now it felt like the final grains were slipping through, and he knew that his cheeks were damp, voice wavering as he tried to reassure Jack, to urge him to fight if only for a little bit longer. _Please, Jack, don’t leave me behind. Not yet…._

    It was when Angela slipped away, tears in her eyes to give them a chance to say their farewells that he knew that his pleas weren’t going to be heard. Part of him had wanted to scream at her, to shout at her to do whatever it took to keep Jack alive no matter the cost, but he knew that she wouldn’t have left if there was anything left for her to do. It didn’t make it any easier to watch her go. However, the feel of Jack’s fingers on his wrist drew his attention back to his husband, and he felt something shatter at that moment because despite everything he had endured Jack had never looked so fragile, so broken as he did right then.

“Gabe, please…” It was the most coherent Jack had sounded all day, although he had a feeling that it was only sheer stubbornness letting him achieve that tone rather than the medicine finally working. The sightless eyes were fixated on his face, fingers biting into his skin, and Gabriel swallowed, knowing what he was asking, knowing that the time for him to think about it was over. He was still no closer to a decision that he had been when Jack had first asked him.

“I…”

“Please.” Jack was crying now, tears trickling in a silent stream down his cheeks and Gabriel felt his heart constrict at the sight. He could probably count on his fingers the number of times that he had seen Jack cry, and it had never got any easier to bear, especially when Jack was clinging to him to him with every scrap of strength he had left to call on. “Gabe please…”

 “Mi Luna…Jack,” Gabriel choked out, a refusal on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t say it. Not now, not when faced with Jack’s tears and the loss that is looming over him, shuddering at the thought of a world, a future without his husband. Shaking, already feeling his form beginning to shift he cradles Jack closer, pressing a kiss to silvery air before closing his eyes as he asks the one question he doesn’t want to ask. “Are you sure about this?” _Please say no,_ he wants to add, but he doesn’t because he feels how Jack has slumped against him and when he opens his eyes he’s unsurprised to see the relieved expression on his husband’s face.

“Please.” There’s nothing, no hint of uncertainty that would give him an excuse to change his mind, to back out of doing this and his heart breaks a little more as instead Jack looks more at peace than he has in months. “Thank you…”

   _Don’t thank me, not for this._ Gabriel wishes that he could hate Jack for this, that he could blame his husband for this, just to ease the pain in his heart. But he can’t…holding Jack close, feeling the way his chest hitches after each breath now, the weakening grasp on his wrist, all he can think is how much he loves this man. There are fresh tears on his cheeks now as he carefully pulls Jack closer, holding him as tight as he can, whispering apologies when the movement draws a soft whimper from his husband, before burying his face in the crook of Jack’s neck. Pretending just for a moment that everything is okay, that it’s just a hug and that Jack isn’t slipping away with each shaky breath, it’s an illusion that can never last and he pulls away when he hears his name being whispered, the tone telling him everything that he needs to know, and it hurts. It hurts more than dying and being put back together by nanites had ever hurt, and he makes no effort to hide his anguish when he manages to get his voice to work.

“I love you, Jack.” There are no nicknames, no teasing now. Gabriel needs him to know that before it’s too late, suddenly flashing back to all the times that he should have said those words and hadn’t…how many opportunities had he missed, had they missed? How many were going to be lost because a quirk of fate had decided that he would live and Jack would die? Shuddering he leant down, capturing Jack’s lips in a kiss, the gentlest meeting of lips as he feels Jack’s breath catch again and there’s no stopping the sob that wells up. “I love you so damn much.” _And I never said it enough, I’m so sorry that I didn’t say it more, that I didn’t tell you every day._

    He jolts as he feels a feathery touch against his chin, glancing down to find Jack smiling faintly up at him, his eyes already drifting shut.

“I love you too.” His hand falls away, and for a moment Gabriel panics, but then he feels a gentle pressure, and though blurring vision he watches as Jack pulls his hand closer, struggling to lean forward just enough to press his lips to the wedding band. “Forever…” It’s barely a whisper of sound, but its deafening in the silence that follows as Gabriel watched the milky eyes close, waiting for the shaky breath that should’ve followed but didn’t. One minute became two, and then another passed and another and suddenly he shattered, a broken howl escaping as he lost his grip on his form, retaining enough presence of mind to gently lower Jack onto the bed before he completed the transition.

_Jack. Jack. Jack._

It was a mantra in the back of his mind, a protection against the ravenous hunger and fury that he could feel rising as mist swirled around him. It had been a long time since he had fully allowed himself to sink into Reaper, and he could feel himself slipping until gaze landed on the still form on the bed, the soft light of the soul waited to be consumed drawing him like a moth to the flame. Only there was no hunger this time, the broken howl fading to a low, pained groan as he moved closer, form solidifying as the reality of the situation crashed over him once more nearly sending him crumpling to his knees with the sheer enormity of his loss.

_Gabe, please._

    It’s the memory of Jack’s pleading voice that grounds him that gives him enough focus to close the distance between them, his form shifting between mist and solid flesh and he’s trembling as he reaches for his husband’s soul. _I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._ He can feel it the moment he makes contact with the orb, the agony of his curse ripping through it and he wants to pull back, to spare it any more pain, but it’s too late. And a moment later he does find himself on his knees, forced there by the influx of Jack’s memories as they flow through his mind.

_Dark eyes and a blank mask that conceal any thoughts their owner might have is what greets Jack when he sets foot in his room in the SEP complex, and for a moment he’s tempted to back away because there is something about the man in front of him that screams danger. However, he’s spent too much time in the army to let himself be intimidated now, and so he pastes a smile on his face and holds out his hand._

_“I’m Jack Morrison.” It feels like he’s being x-rayed and he wishes that he could get a clue as to what is going on in the other man’s thoughts, especially if they’re going to have to live together for the duration of the program. He’s not quite sure what happens, but a moment later the man chuckles, the sound like warm molasses as he finally reaches out to take his hand._

_“Gabriel Reyes.”_

_**_

_“Keep those eyes open Boy scout.” He wants to scowl at the nickname, but he lacks the strength to do anything right now, and there’s something about the panicked tone that stops his irritation in its track. It doesn’t stop him from crying out as he feels hands pressing down on the wound on his side, pain lancing through him as he tries to writhe away even though he knows that its Gabriel and that he’s trying to help. “Jack!” There’s a hint of fear in the other man’s voice now, and he can’t ignore it, managing to coax his eyes open even though his vision is blurry at best._

_“No need to shout…”_

_**_

_“I love you.” He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to whisper the words into Gabriel’s shoulder just then, and he feels the older man tense as panic threatens to engulf him. It’s a topic they’ve been skating around until now. War is no place for romance they both know that, but they also can’t walk away from the other, and there’s been too many near misses for him to leave the words unspoken even if Gabe ends up hating him for it. He’s so lost in his own panicked thoughts that he nearly jumps out of his skin when Gabriel catches his lips in a soft kiss._

_“I love you too, Mi Sol.”_

_**_

_His eyes are stinging as he realises that Gabriel really isn’t coming back, sinking down on their – on his bed as he stares at the half-empty wardrobe and the scattered drawers from where the other man had obviously packed in a hurry. He hadn’t even waited to tell him that he was going, he was just gone and that hurt more than anything else. Gabe…_

_**_

_The world is dark around him, his whole body feeling as though it’s on fire and his ears are still ringing from the explosion that had just ripped his world apart. But he can’t focus on any of that, all he can think about is that Gabriel had been there…he had been yelling at him, the only way they could communicate these days…but he had been there when the world had gone up around them. Biting his lip to stifle a pained noise he forced himself onto hands and knees, blindly reaching out to search the rubble around him._

_“G-Gabe…” Where are you? Please, you can’t die here, not like this._

_**_

_Gabriel was dead. He was presumed dead. He had woken in a little-known hospital to discover that as far as the world was concerned Overwatch and Blackwatch and their respective commanders were gone. He had woken to find that that the explosion had also stolen his sight. He had woken to the realisation that the one thing he’d had left had crumbled beneath him, and yet he didn’t care about any of that. All he could focus on was the fact that Gabriel was gone, that he had lived, and the other man had died when it should have been the other way around._

_**_

_“Gabe…” It couldn’t be him. It couldn’t be. Gabriel Reyes was dead. Yet the moment the whisper had escaped him the Reaper had stopped, and he wasn’t entirely sure whether it was hope or a desire to atone for what had happened in Switzerland that had him stepping forward, Pulse Rifle hitting the ground beside him as he spread his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Gabe, is that you?”_

_**_

_He shivers slightly at the sensation of cool fingers ghosting across his face, wishing that he could see the expression on Gabriel’s face as he follows the path of his scars, wonders if he how he’d looked before. He jumps when the fingers are replaced by lips, shivering at the sensation of butterfly kisses against the scarred skin, and stilling when the lips move to his, capturing them in a soft, almost frightened kiss._

_“I missed you, Mi Luna.”_

_**_

_“Gabe put me down!” He tries to sound stern he really does, but instead, he finds himself breaking down into warm laughter at the thought of the image they must make, two old men, one of them being carried over the threshold. Trusting Gabriel not to drop him, he shifts, gently feeling his way so that he can lean in to press a kiss against his new husband’s cheek. “You don’t have to follow all the traditions.”_

_“Save that thought for later,” Gabriel’s breath is warm against his ear, and Jack feels himself colouring at the amusement in the other man’s voice, having a feeling that he doesn’t want to know what he has planned for their wedding night._

_**_

_It hurts. Everything hurts, each breath, each movement, each spot where his skin is pressed against Gabriel but he can’t let it show. Not now, and instead he focuses on managing a smile, feeling how weak the effort is but hoping that it’s enough._

_“I love you too.” The words aren’t enough to convey the depths of his feelings for this man, but it’s all he has right now…apart from…the world is dissolving around him, but he forces himself to focus, reaching out with trembling fingers and tugging Gabriel’s hand closer, struggling to breathe as he pulls it close enough to kiss. A broken sob threatens to escape as he feels cool metal beneath his lips, but he forces it back and instead focuses on the one word that he still needs to say. “Forever…”_

    Gabriel was gasping when he came back to himself, feeling the warmth in his body that came from consuming a soul and hating it. _Jack…_ He had thought that he was used to the flow of memories, he had seen so many during his time as Reaper, little moments…happy moments…sad moments…the ones that came to mind when your life was slipping away from you. What he hadn’t been prepared for was the fact that he had featured in every one of Jack’s memories, that in his last moments his husband’s thoughts hadn’t been of his family or their friends, but of him alone.

It was humbling.

    It was shattering, and he clawed at the floor, the pain too much to bear as he felt his form disintegrate again. Only this time he didn’t try to pull himself back, he didn’t want to, instead screaming out his anguish as he fled the room, chased by the one thought that had haunted them both at the end.

_We didn’t have enough time…_

 


	2. Chapter 2

    Time had lost all meaning for a while after that, Gabriel willingly losing himself in the depths of his mind, burying himself in the memories he had gained from Jack and his own ones from happier times, leaving Reaper to take over. It was a dangerous thing to do, especially without Jack there to bring him back, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not even he fed, foreign memories and emotions breaking briefly through the haze that had settled over his mind - innocent lives lost to his grief, something that Jack would be furious at him for, but it was easier to think of Jack being angry with him than to face up to life without his husband. He was vaguely aware of drifting, never really regaining a solid form, some part of him terrified that he wouldn’t be able to lose him himself if he let himself became human again. It was the coward’s way out, deep down he knew that even if he wasn’t ready to admit that. Just as he knew that sooner or later he had to go back, that he would have to face up to the reality that Jack was gone. _But not yet…_

**

    It was weeks later, or possibly longer than that when he found himself hovering outside the small apartment, he had shared with Jack, still more mist than human as he stared at the door, unable to convince himself to take the last few steps that would take him home. _No, not home._ The apartment, even though it was still full of memories and their belongings was no longer home because there was no Jack. No Jack grumbling at him for moving things around when he couldn’t sleep at night, leaving his husband to trip over odds and ends. And no Jack to welcome him home with a smile that could still light up his face, even after everything they’d gone through, and a gentle kiss that made it seem as though all the years of hatred and anger had never happened. No Jack to curl up with at night, always starting the night with his head on his pillow, but inevitably waking in the morning with his head tucked under Gabriel’s chin. No Jack...

    He could feel his form beginning to disintegrate again as reality came crashing down on him, not with the same raw pain as it had the day Jack had died, but still enough to crush him and he was barely clinging onto his shape when the door burst open. For a wild moment, his heart hammered in his chest, hope blossoming even though he knew better, and he felt something shatter once more as Angela appeared in the doorway, her eyes widening at the sight of him and for a long moment, they just stared at one another, Gabriel fighting the urge to flee. She had to know what he had done. What had happened in Jack’s last moment, and he was stunned when rather than anger or disgust he was greeted with a tremulous smile.

“You’re back.” He notes that she doesn’t say home, and oddly it’s that which calms him enough to focus long enough for his nanites to pull his shifting form back together, although he can still see the mist rising here and there. Angela watches the process silently, a pained expression on her face, and a small petty part of him still feels satisfaction at that although he doesn’t say anything, letting her usher him into the house. Although his feet feel leaden as he steps into the living room because everywhere he looks he can see traces of Jack. From the braille books piled up beside the couch, the silly character corner protectors that Hana and Lucio had insisted on plastering across the furniture, to the old, heavily-patched hoodie that had once been his but that Jack had commandeered years even before they had fully reconciled.

“I…”

    The urge to bolt is returning, his stomach rolling as he glances towards the bedroom, unable to bear the thought of stepping into the room where Jack had died, and he nearly lashes out when a gentle hand settles on his arm. Angela is cautious, clearly noting the aborted movement but making no effort to release him, instead guiding him towards the kitchen and not knowing what else to do he obeyed. Numbness settling over him as his gaze flickers towards the braille labels covering everything in the kitchen, to the silly Captain America mug he had managed to track down for Jack on his last birthday. Jack had loved it, but now staring at it, he couldn’t help but wish he had got something more, that he had known that it was really going to be his last. _I’m so sorry Jack. I’m so sorry…_

“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back,” Angela’s soft voice jolts him back into the present, his entire form threatening to fall apart at the surprise. And it takes him a moment to focus on her, blinking as it dawns on him just why she had thought he might not return, stomach churning as his eyes flicker to in the direction of the bedroom

“Angela…You know what I did.” It wasn’t a question, he could see it in her eyes when he glanced back at her, and in the way, she shifted, mirroring his every move he realised after a moment. In the past, it would have hurt to see that kind of suspicion directed at him once more, but right now he’s too numb to care about anything but the fact that his husband is gone. Silently wishing that he hadn’t bothered coming back to an apartment that reminded him to vividly of Jack, coming back to friends and colleagues who might never be able to trust him again, because he had promised that he would never be Reaper again.

“Jack told me.” Gabriel’s eyes widen at that, but he doesn’t speak, not knowing what to say in response to that and Angela must realise that because her expression softens, some of the suspicion leeching out of her expression.  “He didn’t want anyone to blame you for what happened.”

“He told you…?”

“Before he asked you,” she admits with a grimace and he stiffens at that, it’s not that he begrudges his husband having someone else to talk to, but it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth to imagine them talking about Reaper- about the side of himself that he had been working so hard to bury.  “He agonised about asking you for a long time. I…” Angela hesitated for a minute, guilt written across her face. “I urged him to talk to you, to let you both decide… I’m sorry.”

“Why? Why are you apologising? I…” _I’m the monster that devoured his husband’s soul and fled…I’m the one that let myself become Reaper again…_

“You granted his last wish.” His thoughts must have shown on his face because her voice is soft and urgent as she reaches out to grasp his hand. It still takes all of his self-control not to recoil from her touch, still uncomfortable around her…and more so at the moment when she knows what he had done, had known that he might do it even before he had. “But…I should have said something sooner. I thought that maybe that was why you weren’t coming back.” _I thought that you were afraid to come back…_

“It was only part of the reason,” Gabriel admits awkwardly, well aware that he had been hiding, and not just from the memories and the loss. “But…not the main one.” He had come back from his life as Reaper once, part of him had always known that he could do it again even if he wasn’t ready to do so just yet, but…his gaze shifted back to the stupid mug once more, and Angela followed his gaze, sighing softly as comprehension dawned.

“Jack.”

“He’s here, but he’s not, and I don’t know to do this without him.” There’s no way for him to keep the waver out of his voice, the anguish as it dawns on him that it’s true, that Jack isn’t here anymore and the wisps of mist rising from his skin intensify as he starts to come apart at the seams again. “All that time we wasted. I can feel it pressing in on me, and _…_ and…” His voice fails him, pain rising in his chest as the enormity of his loss washes over him once more, and he’s barely aware of Angela releasing him and taking a step back as the nanites lose their grip on him. He’s just about to slip away completely, Reaper surging to the front ready to take over and shield him from the pain when another voice - one that he shouldn’t be able to hear any more rings out.

_“Gabe, come back to me. You’re not Reaper anymore.”_

    For a moment, he’s certain that he’s imagined it, fresh pain blossoming in his heart because he wants to hear that gruff voice more than anything. And he can feel himself fading, slipping further away when there’s the sensation of gentle fingers against what little remains of his cheek and the voice, louder this time and underlain with desperation rings out again.

_“Gabe, please…”_

“Jack.” It doesn’t register that he’s solidifying again, crimson eyes wild as his gaze darts around the kitchen, searching for some sign of where the voice is coming from. _Jack, where are you?_ A small voice in the back of his mind points out that this is insane, that there’s no way that Jack can be there and yet it doesn’t stop him from looking…eyes widening when for a minute, he’s convinced that he sees his husband, just a flash of milky, blue eyes and the smile lighting up scarred features and he can’t stop himself from reaching out even as the image flickers.

“Gabriel?” The image disappears the moment Angela’s voice reaches him, and it takes everything he has not to lash out at her, especially when he sees the concern and the hint of fear beneath it when she looks between him and the spot that he’d been staring at.

“It’s nothing.” It comes out to rushed, to close to a growl to being comforting and he can see her eyes narrowing for a moment before she apparently decides not to push the matter for now, and he’s quick to seize on that decision. “Angela…if you don’t mind, I think I want to be alone for a little while.”

“Are you sure?”

    _No._ He doesn’t want to be alone surrounded by the memories, by the emptiness, but he has to know whether he was imaging things, and he can’t do that with her watching him with those concerned eyes. He can see her watching, searching for any hint of a lie or any hint of the wildness that he had shown barely a moment before and he sighs, shaking his head.

“No, but I have to try.” It’s true enough, even if it’s not the complete truth and after a moment Angela nods and stands back, although her expression shows that she’s not convinced and it’s even more evident in her tone when she speaks.

“Fine, but if you need anything.”

“I know,” he manages a slight quirk of his lips at that, not quite a smile, but enough to remove some of the tension from her shoulders. He half expects her to leave it at that as she moves towards the door, but then she pauses, hesitating for a moment as she studies him.

“Tomorrow…tomorrow we need to talk about the funeral.” He stiffens, shuddering at the thought of it, his mind flashing back to the televised farce that had been the funeral the UN had held for Jack the last time. He hastily forces his mind away from those thoughts, the anger still burning bright after all these years. Instead focusing on the fact that they hadn’t done anything already, a tiny part of him had hoped that they would’ve so that he didn’t have to deal with saying goodbye to his husband again, and some of his surprise must have shown because Angela sighs, scowling at him as though annoyed at him for doubting them. “We were waiting for you.”

“But…”

“What you did for him is between you and him,” Angela cuts him off, tone sharp and he stares at her wide-eyed, having imagined that everyone must know what he had done. “A couple of the others have an inkling of what’s going on, but I haven’t told them.” There’s a lump in the back of his throat, his voice choked with emotion, and he’s forced to glance away as he mutters.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She seems to have realised that he’s had enough, although it’s not hard to tell as his skin is rippling again, fresh plumes of mist rising from his skin. “You’re not alone Gabe.” It’s a gentle reminder, meant to reassure him, but for Gabriel, it does the opposite because while he might still have friends, he doesn’t have his husband. He doesn’t have the man that had made this place home, who had welcomed him with love – and devotion that he hadn’t deserved, and he can’t bring himself to reply, waiting in silence until he finally hears the front door clicking shut behind her. Even then he waits a couple of minutes to make sure that she’s gone, before slowly lifting his head and letting his gaze drift around the kitchen once more, mouth moving soundlessly for a moment before he could force his voice to work properly.

“Mi Luna? Are you there?” He doesn’t expect a response, the logical part of his mind telling him that it had all been a figment of his imagination, but it doesn’t stop him from standing there, barely daring to breathe in case he makes a noise and misses it. However, as the minutes stretch on, he begins to lose hope, and he’s about to give up and admit that he had been hearing things when there’s the faintest shift in the air. It’s followed by the sensation of fingers against his cheek once more and then Jack’s voice, fainter this time, barely a whisper of sound…but there.

_“Always.”_

**

    When Gabriel woke the next morning, it took him a moment to remember where he was, grimacing as he pushed himself up and glanced around with bleary eyes. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to enter the bedroom last night, instead crashing on the couch, face buried in his stolen hoodie which still held the faintest trace of Jack’s aftershave. He’d spent the entire afternoon and evening trying to hear Jack’s voice again, but after that soft, heart-breaking _‘Always’_ there had been nothing but silence no matter what he had tried, or what he had said. And he’d fallen asleep still calling for his husband, fear making his stomach churn again at the thought that it might all have been an illusion created by his mind and for a moment he’s tempted to just bury his head against the hoodie once more and try to pretend that nothing had happened. He can’t do it…

“Jack?” His voice comes out hesitantly, barely audible even in the silence and he swallows thickly before trying again. “Jack, are you here?” _Please, please don’t make me face this without you. Please don’t leave me alone yet._ He can’t bring himself to voice the plea aloud, terrified that he might hear his own words and nothing else. Terrified that there won’t be an answer.

    There’s no reply, the silence tightening around him and he finds himself twisting his hands together in his lap, clutching hard enough to draw blood as he feels his nanites shifting and threatening to come apart again. _I can’t do this. I can’t do this._ He shouldn’t have come back, his gaze darting around the room, lingering on each reminder of his husband. _I shouldn’t be here, not without him. I shouldn’t have come back…_ He’s halfway to his feet, form already disintegrating as he prepares to flee, freezing when a moment before he can fall apart completely the voice he had been waiting for rings out, deafening in the silence.

_“Behind you.”_

He can’t move, can’t breathe, because damn it all it sounds just like Jack. A soft chuckle, the gravelly sound warming him as always has him slowly pulling himself together, just enough, just so that he can turn towards the sound. It takes him a moment, his vision blurring with tears of relief, and the image faint and flickering, but there he is - there’s Jack, standing in the kitchen doorway, facing towards him and wearing the same, loving smile he had worn on their wedding day.

_“Gabe…”_

“Jack….” It comes out as a sob; a soft, broken sound that echoes in the room as he reaches out with a trembling hand towards Jack, only to come up short when the image of his husband flickers in and out sight for a moment. “Jack!” He can’t keep the panic out of his voice, lunging forwards, fingers brushing against his husband a for a second before Jack disappears completely, and he’s half a step away from falling apart completely when Jack flickers back into sight, only this time when he reaches out he comes up with nothing but air.  “But…Jack? What is going on? Am I crazy…?” He doesn’t want to ask that, he doesn’t want to know the answer, shivering as he remembers the concern in Angela’s eyes when he had spoken to Jack the day before. Maybe he was crazy, after all, Jack was dead…wasn’t He? He could remember holding him, remember reaping his soul and the flood of memories that come with it, and yet, his eyes stung as he refocused on Jack. “Jack…”

_“I’m here Gabe, I’m really here.”_

“Then why can’t I touch you again?” Gabriel asks, choking out the words as he reaches out, fingers coming up empty again. Jack’s smile falters at that, reaching out as well and Gabriel braces himself, waiting to feel the sensation of fingers against his face again, but it doesn’t come. Instead, Jack’s image flickers and fades, and he steps back, guilt flickering across his face as he shakes his head.

_“I’m not strong enough yet, I’m sorry.”_

 “D-Don’t apologise.” Gabriel aches with the need to reach out and pull Jack into his arms, needing to comfort him as Jack’s expression contorts with misery, but all he can do is shake his head. “Not for this ...I…”  He swallows, hands curling into fists at his side, lifting his head to stare at Jack, doing his best to ignore the way his husband is fading in and out of sight. “You’re here?” Jack looks just as frantic, just as desperate as him as he nods vigorously, reaching out towards Gabriel once more although he makes no effort to close the gap enough to touch him.

 _“Because of you.”_ For a moment, Gabriel thinks that Jack is blaming him, but then he sees the softness, the adoration on his husband’s face as he takes a cautious step forward. “ _I told you - that was why I wanted you to reap my soul, that I wanted to be with you or at least part of me.”_

“But…”

 _“This isn’t what I expected,”_ Jack admits, smiling and gods it’s so Jack that Gabriel just wants to push all of his doubts aside and believe that his happening. That Jack is really here - that giving into his husband’s last request had given them another chance, but there’s a small voice at the back of his mind, a kernel of doubt that won’t go away, and he jolts violently when Jack speaks again. _“But… Gabe. I’m here. I’m really here with you, and maybe that means we can have…_ ” It’s hard to breathe again, Jack’s last memory and his own thoughts playing through his mind once more, and his voice when he finally gets it to work is trembling.

“More time.”

_“Exactly…”_

****

Two weeks later:

    Gabriel is numb as he fumbles with his tie, he had never been good with the blasted thing, and it’s made worse by the fact that he’s trying not to focus on the fact that the last time he had dressed this smartly had been his wedding day. He’s not ready for today. He’ll never be ready for today, and privately he’s glad that Angela and the others had taken over most of the organisation, and not just because he doesn’t want to do this. He lifts his head and focuses on his reflection for a moment, taking in the crimson eyes, the mist rising from his skin as his emotions threaten to flow. Then his gaze shifts to the side as Jack flickers into view behind him, a little more solid than before, a soft smile on his face and Gabriel feels his lips quirking up in a weak response.

“Jack.” He lets his hands fall away from the tie, turning to face his husband.  “You’re here.” His doubt is fading, it’s been a fortnight since Jack had first appeared in front of him and he’s still here, still painfully Jack, and it hurts too much to think that this is a lie. It had hurt too much to speak to Angela the day after his return, helping to plan a funeral that he wasn’t ready for. It had been hard to talk as though Jack was really gone, even though he had been able to see his husband, flickering in and out behind her as they talked. He knew that she suspected something, it had been there in the way she had watched him, tensing whenever he had focused on Jack, and in the way she had been calling him multiple times a day, just to check that he was ‘okay’.

 _“Always.”_ Jack’s quiet voice stops his thoughts from spiralling out of control, and he blinks refocusing on Jack as his husband steps closer, reaching out towards him. Only this time his fingers connect, feather-light, but real as he carefully feels his way up to the tie, fixing it from memory while laughing softly. _“You look very handsome, but you really need to learn how to do a tie._ ” There’s a painful pang in Gabriel’s chest at the words, and he reaches out to catch Jack’s hands as his husband moves to pull away, heart hammering as he feels skin for a moment before the image flickers, and Jack offers him an apologetic smile. He’s able to stay for longer now, spending more and more time corporeal, but he still has his limits, and Gabriel has learnt not to comment on them, hating the way Jack’s expression falls when he does.

“That’s what you said back then,” he says instead, voice soft, and for half a minute it’s so easy to imagine that they’re back in the hotel room they’d booked for their wedding, both of them refusing to be apart in the last few hours, frightened that something might tear them apart at the last minute. He can remember Jack laughing, eyes bright and dancing as he fixed his tie for him, before promptly ruining it by yanking it into a kiss, and he sighs, stomach churning as his gaze flickers to Jack’s lips for a moment and then up to the milky eyes before he glances away.  “It’s not quite the same now.”

 _“I know_.” Jack’s voice is soft, and when Gabriel glances at him, he can see the pain, the longing in his husband’s eyes, and he knows that his thoughts have taken a similar path. _“I wish that I could be there, with you.”_

“You are,” Gabriel points out, feeling sick at the mere thought of what today might be like if he didn’t have Jack there with him. He wouldn’t be able to do it. Hell, he’s still not sure that he can, even though he knows that his husband will be there, that he’ll be able to see him, and he can’t quite keep the bitterness out of his voice as he adds grimly. “Besides if you were still here…” _We wouldn’t need to do this, I wouldn’t have to say goodbye,_ he doesn’t need to say it aloud, seeing the way Jack’s expression darkens in understanding.

_“I’m sorry.”_

**

    It’s every bit as bad as he imagined. It hurt, more than he had ever believed possible to see everyone gathered to say goodbye to Jack, to see the grief on their faces as they stare at the empty coffin at the front of the hall. To see people who had known Jack for less time than he had weeping over him, untouched by the guilt of years spent apart, years spent with lies and deception tearing them apart. He envies them and pities them in equal measure, gaze flickering across to where Jack is stood leaning against the wall, face a blank mask. He wonders what it must be like, attending your own funeral, hearing everyone mourn for you and not be able to see them or talk to them, his heart aching as he sees Jack clutching at his arms, knuckles turning white. _Jack…_

    He’s so busy watching Jack that Angela has to nudge him forcefully to get his attention when it’s his time to speak, and he can practically see her concern going up several notches as he glances across at Jack once more before forcing himself to his feet. His steps are slow and heavy as he heads for the front, trying to gather himself for what’s to come, trying not to come apart at the seams, and trying not to see the pitying expressions, the grief and the attempts to understand. Reaching the front, he hesitates for a moment before resting a hand on the coffin, feeling sick as he thinks back to the funeral that had followed the fall of Overwatch, and he has to turn away. Has to lift his head and search out Jack, taking a deep breath when he realises that his husband has moved closer and is staring up at him as though he can see him, and it’s enough to settle him. However, he still shudders as he turns his attention to the others, feeling his nanites shifting even as he took a deep breath, determined to get through this as quickly as possible.

“Jack is…” He swallows, shifting as he sees Jack frantically shaking his head, and he hopes that the others will blame his hesitation on his grief, forcing himself not stare at Jack as he continues, highly aware that Angela and probably others are watching, trying to work out just how close to the edge he is. Too close he thinks, glancing down at the podium in front of him and gripping it, needing something to keep him grounded as he couldn’t look across at Jack. “Jack, was my everything, something that it took us both far too long to realise. Far too long…”

      He can’t stop his gaze from flickering across to his husband, eyes darkening as he sees Jack’s expression tighten, his image flickering as though his emotions are getting the better of him. And he wants to go to him, to comfort him, but he can’t, hating himself as he forces his attention back to everyone else. “We didn’t get enough time.” _But we’re getting another chance now,_ his voice falters for a moment, mist rising from his skin and he can see Angela rising to her feet and hurries to finish. “We didn’t get enough time, for far too many reasons. But the time that we had together, and the time that he was Jack Reyes was the happiest time I of my life. And I hope, no…I know that next time…next time, we will get the time we didn’t get this time.”

_Jack, I promise you._

**

    Angela had led him back to his seat at the end of his speech, and he hadn’t been given a chance to look at Jack because she was there, hovering at his side and watching his every move. The rest of the service had passed in a blur, and he hadn’t been able to watch as they lowered the coffin into the grave. Only the fact that he could see Jack out of the corner of his eye stopping him falling apart completely, and he had wanted to flee then, to skip the wake, but he had talked about this with Jack, and they had agreed that he needed to go. Not that he was given much choice as Angela seemed determined not to let him out of her sight.

    He hated it. He hated being here and hated having to stand there as everyone came to speak to him in turn, telling him how sorry they were, sharing stories about Jack, some that he had heard and others that he hadn’t. Hated that he had to stand there and listen to strangers talking about his Jack, when all he wanted to do was be with his husband, crimson eyes darting the figure lurking at the back of the room and the look of anguished longing on Jack’s face. Growling softly, he slipped out of reach as a tearful Reinhardt tried to embrace him, unable to keep up the act anymore, unable to take any more sympathy, any more pity. He brushed past Angela, form flickering as he slid out of reach when she tried to grab his arm.

“I’m leaving.”

“Gabe!” Her protests fall on deaf ears as he makes a beeline for the door, knowing that Jack will follow, trusting that he will follow and instead focusing on just getting away from this farce.

_Jack’s still with me. Remember that, he’s still here._

**

     That thought isn’t as comforting as he’d wanted it to be, and by the time he’s got home the doubts have seeped back in, and he’s coming apart at the seams as he stumbles to the couch and collapses on it with a defeated groan. He still hasn’t been able to bring himself to go back into their bedroom beyond grabbing clothes out of the wardrobe, and he certainly can’t face it today, reaching out with trembling hands to grab the hoodie Jack had stolen and pressing his face into it. It no longer smells of Jack, and he feels tears on his cheeks as he buries himself against it. It’s another loss, another hint that the Jack that’s been following him around, talking to him, comforting him when he wakes screaming from memories and nightmares that twist together until he can’t tell what’s real or not, is just an illusion - a lie he’s built to stop the grief welling up in his chest.

 _“Gabe? Gabe, why won’t you speak to me?”_ Jack is there, has been there ever since he got in, sitting on the edge of the couch with his hand resting lightly on Gabriel’s head, fingers gently tangling in dark curls. It was something he had done during the long nights when neither of them could sleep, kept awake by memories, regrets and the guilt that had never faded. But it doesn’t offer him the same comfort that it had back then, and he can’t bring himself to reply, instead pressing his face further into the hoodie. “ _Gabe?”_

     They remain like that for a while, before Jack sighs and pulls away, and Gabriel wants nothing more than to reach out and stop him, but he can’t - terrified that now that the doubts are back his hands will only be met with thin air again. Terrified that maybe he has been fooling himself all this time. And a harsh noise, somewhere between a wail and a sob well up at that thought, and he flinches hard as fingers brush against his cheek, and for a moment he dissolves completely into mist. He swirls, shifting, ready to flee. Waiting for the illusion to fail as he lifts his head, but Jack - Jack is still stood there, looking more solid than ever, face twisted with confusion and fear, hands reaching out for him, searching and his heart aches as the milky eyes seem to meet his gaze. _“Gabe? Please talk to me…please…”_

“Jack…” He can’t bring himself to hurt Jack, not even when he’s doubting that he’s really there and he shifts again, closing his eyes as he focuses on solidifying himself once more. Something that takes longer than it should, because every time he nearly has it, the doubts rise up once more and threaten to drown him. Eventually though he manages it, more or less - more the latter as he feels his features constantly shipping, his vision fading in and out as mist rises around him, but it will have to do for now and he takes an unsteady step towards his husband. “Jack, are you really here? I-I’m not sure anymore.” _About anything…about you…about me…_ His frantic, spiralling thoughts are cut off as Jack closes the distance between them, gripping him with hands that are suddenly all too solid and his eyes widen as Jack leans up, and then there are chapped lips against his and he can’t breathe. Because it’s real and tender, and when he tentatively reaches out Jack is there, real and solid beneath his trembling fingers and he can’t help but sob into the kiss because it’s real…it’s real.

_“Gabe?”_

    It’s Jack who pulls back first, although he doesn’t loosen his grip on his hands, clinging to him even as he frowns in concern and it’s too much. Gabriel is coming apart, emotions overwhelming his nanites ability to hold him together even as he launches himself at his husband, wrapping himself around Jack…around his wonderfully warm, and solid husband and weeps, screaming out his relief into Jack’s shoulder.

_He’s real…_

****

     Gabriel cursed under his breath when there was a loud knock at the door, and he was tempted to ignore it, just as he had ignored everyone who had come by during the past week, and everyone that had called to give him condolences that he didn’t need or want. He would have ignored it if Jack hadn’t stirred, lifting his head from where it was resting against his chest and smiling at him - that cursed, half smile that told him that his husband was going to tell him to do something he didn’t want to do and get his own way. It’s a weapon that he’s never learned to defend against, and he groans, yanking Jack in for a fierce kiss before letting himself to dissolve, taking pleasure in Jack’s startled squawk when he topples onto the sofa.

“You’re the one that wants me to answer the door,” he calls over his shoulder as he heads for the door, grinning when Jack growls at him, and it makes it easier for him to pull himself together, no mist to be seen by the time he reaches the door. It doesn’t stop him scowling when he opens the door to find Angela standing there, and he’s so tempted to close the door on her, especially when he sees the concern in her eyes as she studies him.

_“Gabe?”_

“It’s Angela!” Gabriel replies with a sigh, missing the way Angela’s eyes narrow, her concern ratcheting up another notch and instead stepping aside and waving her inside. “Come in.” He knows that he can’t turn her away now that he’s opened the door. It has been a couple of weeks since the funeral and her attempts to reach him have been increasing by the day and to be honest he’s surprised that she hadn’t just barged her way inside like she had in the past. Instead, she seems content to follow him after he’s closed the door, and he frowns, an uneasy feeling washing over him as he leads the way through to the living and gestures for her to take a seat. Heading across to the sofa he nudges Jack out of the way, sharing a concerned glance with his husband before reaching out to take Jack’s hand, both to reassure Jack and himself, settling at the feeling of their fingers twining together, and smiling slightly at the sight of their wedding bands resting side by side.

“Gabriel?” There’s a strange note in Angela’s voice, one that makes him tense, hesitating to look up at her as he feels Jack shifting uneasily beside her.  “Gabe, can you look at me?” He doesn’t know why but it grates on his nerves to hear that nickname on her lips, the nickname that Jack had initiated back during their SEP days. A name that only sounds right when its spoken in his husband’s gruff voice, and he lifts his head, crimson eyes flashing.

“Don’t call me that!” He growls, barely aware of the way she flinches at his tone, more focused on the way Jack is squeezing his fingers and he softens, glancing at his husband. “Only Jack gets to call me that.” Angela makes a strangled noise at his words, and his attention darts back to her, nearly snarling at her when he realises that she’s not paying any attention to Jack and instead staring at him as though he’s about to break, as though he will shatter. “What?”

“That’s what we need to talk about,” Angela’s voice is soft, the same soft, hesitant tone she had used when breaking the news about Jack’s condition and Gabriel tenses as she tilts her head towards where he had just been looking. To where Jack is sat, head tilted in confusion as he listens to their conversation and this time it’s Gabriel who squeezes his fingers, soothing him.

“About Jack?” He asks, not looking at Angela. “I think you should acknowledge him first, before you try talking about him.”    

“Gabriel.” There’s something in her voice that makes him look back at her, regretting it when he sees the anguish in her face and the worry, and its only Jack nudging his side that stops him from flinching back when she reaches out to grasp the hand that’s not tangled with Jack’s. He regrets it a moment later though when she continues with a cautious tone.  “Jack’s gone, do you remember that? He died…months ago, we had his funeral two weeks ago. Remember?”

“I- I know.” _That’s right,_ Jack had died, slipping away in his arms, pleading with him to reap his soul … _was it really months ago?_  He had never truly worked out how long he’d been gone for when he’d been lost in grief, but he didn’t doubt her - not on that at least, and he shook away the pain, the grief that her words had dredged up and shook his head, eyes narrow and voice fierce. “But he’s not gone.” He glances at Jack, bringing his husband’s hand up to press his lips to Jack’s knuckles. “He’s right here, I can hear him. I can see him, and I can touch him.”

    That doesn’t seem to be the answer that Angela was looking for, her expression tightening before she takes a deep breath and focuses her gaze on where Jack is sat, and Gabriel bristles at the look in her eyes but remains silent when Jack shakes his head after feeling him tense.

“Jack? Jack, can you hear me?”

 _“Of course, I can hear you, I’m blind, not deaf.”_ Gabriel nearly snorts at the retort, hearing far too much of himself in that reply. He’s clearly been a terrible influence on his husband, and he can’t bring himself to mind. However, Angela doesn’t give any hint that she’s heard Jack and his eyes narrow, mist beginning to rise from his skin as he growls out a response.

“He’s listening.”

“Jack, I know that you want to stay with Gabriel,” Angela’s gaze flicker to Gabriel for a minute, and there’s something about it that stops him from protesting. That and Jack has tensed beside him, his grip on his hand bordering on painful, and he feels the way his husband flinches at her next words. “But you’re only hurting him by holding on like this, and hurting yourself. So please, please let go for both of your sakes.”

“No!” Gabriel snaps, unable to remain silent as panic wells up at the mere thought of being left alone again, of losing Jack again and he wraps his arms possessively around his husband, pulling him closer and glaring at Angela as he does so.  “I don’t want him to go, and he doesn’t have to go.” _Why? Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you let us have this time together…?_

“You have…”

“Get out!” He cuts across her, unable to listen to anymore as his body is beginning to shift and disintegrate and Jack is trembling against him, fanning his temper to greater heights, and his voice rises in volume as he tightens his hold on his husband. “I’m not losing him, not again…I can’t, no I won’t.”

“Gabriel, please…”

“GET OUT!” Gabriel is roaring, reluctantly releasing his hold on Jack so that he can surge to his feet, Reaper worryingly close to the surface as his body shifts, more mist than anything else as he looms over Angela and for a moment he is pleased to see the fear in her expression. But he won’t let the Reaper win, not with Jack watching, and, so he pulls himself together, just enough to have some form, crimson eyes blazing as he glared at Angela. “Get out.” He can see her debating with herself, fingers inching towards where she still carries a weapon, and he takes a warning step forward. He doesn’t want to fight, to lash out, but he won’t let her hurt Jack. “Angela, please…”

“I’ll be back,” she promises, rising to her feet and glancing in Jack’s direction before turning back to Gabriel with fresh determination. “I’m not losing you too.” He bristles, ready to point out that she hasn’t lost anyone, that Jack is there, but she’s already heading for the door, and he glances briefly at Jack whose huddled in on himself, before growling under his breath and trailing after her to make sure that she leaves.   

    He’s solid again…normal, or as close to normal as he can get by the time he slips back into the living room a couple of minutes later, expression softening at the sight of Jack who’s now slumped in the corner of the sofa. “It’s okay Jack we’re alone now,” he murmurs, voice soft and reassuring as he settles down beside his husband, slowly reaching out to grasp his hands, scowling when he realises that Jack is still trembling and he almost regrets not say more to Angela. Pushing that thought away he presses a kiss to each of Jack’s hands, before pulling Jack into a tight hug. “I’m sorry about that, I’m so sorry. I would’ve thought that she would understand.” _Or I hoped that she would._ It takes a few minutes, but slowly Jack relaxes, slumping against him even as his arms reach up to return the hug as he presses his face into Gabriel’s shoulder.

 _“It’s okay, if you’re here it’s okay,_ ” Jack’s voice is muffled, but they’re close enough for Gabriel to be able to make out the words, and he tightens his hold on his husband, pressing a kiss to snowy hair and earning a watery chuckle from the other man. _“What did I do to deserve you?”_

“You forgave me, and you said yes,” Gabriel teases, remembering just how surprised he had been the day that Jack had said yes to his unplanned and awkward proposal. Gently he pulls back, just enough to tilt Jack’s face up so that he can kiss him softly, nudging their noses together before murmuring softly. “And we’ve got the time to enjoy that now.” _We’ve got all the time in the world now, and I won’t let anyone take that from us._


End file.
